Working Women Wednesdays
THE WORKING MOTHER’S DILEMMA
By: Sara Reinke
One of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make came early last year, just prior to the birth of my daughter. Already the mother of one, I had decided three years earlier to quit working full-time and be an at-home mom. Of course, along the line, I pursued some freelance writing and editing work and was employed part-time at a local college three nights a week, and in the end, I felt like I was working full time even if I wasn’t getting paid like it. But in any case, this schedule allowed me time to spend at home with my son — time I cherished and very much enjoyed.
My husband and I were fortunate in that the small house we own has an even smaller mortgage. Between the two of us, we had little if any other debt, and this allowed me the chance to get by primarily on his income. But when I found out I was pregnant the second time around, I had to do some serious soul searching. Our house has only two bedrooms, and while two kids can get by sharing the space for a few years, at some point, they’d need their own rooms. Which would mean moving. Which would mean a bigger house, bigger mortgage and bigger financial strain on our already limited budget. To me, two kids seemed to necessitate two full-time incomes, and it was with a heavy heart that I started to look for a job.
While I was fortunate enough to land the job I’d held for almost seven years prior to my son’s birth in what can only be described as a strange twist of karma (the girl who’d taken my place quit), and I love my coworkers, so was delighted for the chance to rejoin them, I have to say it broke my heart to bring my daughter to daycare for the first time. She was only six weeks old, and on that initial day, I came back to visit her at lunchtime, holding her in my arms and bawling like an idiot because I felt like the worst mother in the world.
One thing that helped me get over that impression quickly was my older sister. When her daughter was born, she went back to work, too, and I was able to see first hand that it didn’t hinder their mother-child bonding at all. My niece is growing up normal and affectionate, and that was really a comfort to me.
So almost a year later, I can say that I’ve enjoyed the best of both worlds. I treasure the opportunity I had to be able to afford to stay home when my son was a baby, but likewise I treasure the time I spend with my baby girl now that I’ve returned to work. I like the security that comes from rebuilding my savings, from having a full time paycheck again, along with full time benefits. It also helps me enjoy more time with my family — all of us, including my husband, because when I was working from home and at night, I felt like I never got to see him, much less all of us spend any time together. Now we can go on vacations together, go for a walk, hit the playground, have a picnic — anything we can think of, and all without trying to juggle my husband’s schedule with mine.
I know a lot of women out there are faced with the same decisions I have, and I can honestly say there is no right or wrong. The choices I made were based on my circumstances at the time — I left my job to care for my son because we could afford it; I’d built up my savings for more than a year and already a plan in mind for supplementing it with my freelance endeavors. The stars were all in perfect alignment for that particular situation, just like when I was carrying my daughter, they seemed to align again when I realized it would be best for us financially if I returned to work.
Based on my experience, here are some tips and advice I can offer work-from-home mothers:
- Before leaving your full-time job, talk to your employer to see what, if any arrangements can be made to allow you to work from home, even if it’s only in a part-time capacity. A friend of mine did this and has been able to work from her home office for more than three years.
- If you’re freelance hunting, contact small local newspapers and/or magazines in your region to see if they are seeking freelance writers. Pitch story ideas to them and be willing to supply your own photographs to accompany the story. Inquire as to whether or not they offer any long-term freelance arrangements. (Steady freelance work is a godsend and you don’t wind up shopping around story ideas all over town.) Use a standard freelance agreement for any assignments you take and for which you are paid. Keep accurate records of payment for tax purposes.
- Be wary of potential work-from-home scams. If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.
- Work while your child is sleeping: naptime, early morning, late at night or (optimally) find a daycare that offers part-time services so you can bring your child once or twice a week. This not only gives you a break and allows you some uninterrupted work time, but allows your child some critical socialization experience, as well.
- Remember you’re not a stay-at-home mom. You’re a WORK-from-home mom, even if you’re strictly caring for your child. Being a parent is a full-time job, especially for an infant or toddler. You become caregiver, playmate, chef, chauffeur, laundry worker, bottle-washer, maid and more.
- Make time for yourself. No work, no kids, no husband — just YOU. Go see a movie. Get a manicure or facial. Hit the gym. Don’t allow your pre-baby identity to be lost.
- Make time for grown up conversations, too. Be it with your husband, neighbor, best friend, former coworkers, whatever — do more than ga-ga-goo-goo or sing Doodlebop songs. Try to remember what you used to talk about before you had kids. (Yeah, I know. I often wonder myself.) Try to keep in touch with your pre-baby interests and talk about them, be it books, music, movies, politics, what have you. Again, don’t allow your pre-baby identity to be lost.
And for you mothers who choose to go back to work, here are some tips you might be able to use, too:
- Remember first and foremost: YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER FOR GOING BACK TO WORK.
- Visit your baby at the daycare on your lunch break, if possible, at least for the first couple of weeks upon your return. (I visited my daughter for several months, in fact.) As long as it’s not interrupting the nursery nap schedule, your daycare shouldn’t disapprove of this, and if they do, find another one that won’t.
- Find a pediatrician with evening or Saturday hours. My pediatrician has Saturday hours, and we live within driving distance of an after-hours pediatric care center. These have both come in handy since I returned to work more times than I can count.
- Don’t try to be a superwoman. Let the laundry slide. Don’t worry if dust accumulates a bit or you can’t vacuum every week. Instead of fussing with housework, go outside and play with your kids. Make the most of your time with your family and enjoy yourself. Along those lines, convenience foods are fantastic — skillet dinner kits, frozen casseroles, quick-and-easy stir fry meals, these are all great ways to throw together a fast but filling and healthy dinner. (Because eating out is very tempting after a long day at the office.)
Do what is best for you and your family and you’ll never go wrong!
~***~
Sara Reinke is the author of several books, including Dark Thirst, the first in a
new paranormal series from Kensington/Zebra Books that Romantic Times
Book Reviews magazine calls a “new twist on the vampire legend” and “a
fascinating and unique romance.” Other available titles include Tethers, a
science-fiction thriller, the historical romance, An Unexpected Engagement
and the fantasy series, the Chronicles of Tiralainn. A member of Wild &
Wicked Authors, the Dark Muse Society and the Louisville Romance
Writers chapter of Romance Writers of America, Reinke is represented
by Nephele Tempest of The Knight Agency.
