Authors Against Bullying
Warning: Post contains language that may not be suitable for children.
The story of the Canadian teen who committed suicide because of bullying—but not before she told her story via a YouTube video— has hit me hard. What makes the matter even worse are the comments on the video by trolls. The comments and the fact a young girl was driven to suicide (and she is not the only one) because of bullies have all come together into something simmering so close to the surface that I felt more needed to be done. People being bullied need to see others pulling together and standing united against the behavior and they need to know they are not alone. Yasmine Galenorn, a fellow author and friend, felt the same way. Together we decided to gather our writing friends and peers and invite them to take a stand against bullying. They responded and together we are Authors Against Bullying.
Bullies suck.
Yeah, I said it.
They are mean, they are cruel, they project their insecurities onto others to try to take from their own problems or inflate their egos and they think this is okay—often society says it is and by society I mean the vocal few not the proud, human beings many.
I’m here to say it’s not okay, it’s not all right, it’s not acceptable. It’s not cute or funny or kids will be kids. Its kids being hate mongrels and adults allowing it. The internet has brought the world closer. It has done something else—it’s given a layer of anonymity to certain individuals who love to spew forth hate. The non-contributors to society. The ones who only have hurtful, horrible things to offer behind the wall of privacy the internet provides. These people aren’t out there making a difference. They’re home hitting refresh nonstop on their computer while trolling places like YouTube and tearing down a young girl who committed suicide because of bullying. I honestly have no idea how and when anyone in society thought it was okay to behave this way, or how more than one jumped on board, but it sickens me. And it makes me afraid for our youth. Not the bullies. Honestly, I don’t give a flying “fig” what happens to the bullies. I could give some suggestions but they’d be unkind. See, I don’t have to be PC or kind, or mind my words or manners. I was a victim of bullying. I get it. My youngest son is a victim of bullying.
Bullies suck. Period.
My concern is for those being bullied. They get it from bullies and then the net. The world seems to be full of people saying “kids will be kids”, “she had it coming” and so on. I’m here to say not all of us feel that way. I see no way to justify the suicide of a young girl being bullied. Period.
My heart broke while watching the girl’s video. It ached knowing that pack mentality is so vicious and relentless that it drove this young girl to feel she had no other way out. It made me think of all the girls and boys like her in this world who are suffering at the hands of bullies. Of how hopeless they feel their situation is. Of how they feel it will never end. That no one cares. That they are alone.
You are special.
You mean something.
You are more than what they try to make you out to be.
You have something to offer.
You are beautiful.
And you are NOT alone.
There is hope.
No, really, there is actually hope.
Had someone said all this to me when I was young and the target of kids and their ignorance and cruelty I wouldn’t have believed them. I would have assumed they couldn’t possibly relate. They couldn’t know what it was like to be me.
I wasn’t instantly smart. I didn’t come out of the womb reading and show up in school the class genius. I was the opposite. I struggled greatly with reading and school in the early years. I went to a crap-tacular public school that believed it best to push a student onto the next grade for the next level to deal with rather than actually teach—I mean, we were all low income anyways… why bother, right? (Please note the sarcasm dripping from my every word.)
To top off the fact I couldn’t wrap my mind around what was happening academically, which was such great fodder for the other kids who liked to point out how stupid I was, in the third grade I started suffering from an illness no one seemed to be able to pinpoint. It caused my white blood cell count to be through the roof, the lashes on my right eye to begin falling out and a strange discoloration of the skin on my right temple. Kids can be cruel, nasty little creatures. They were merciless with me. I was called Cyclops, they moved their chairs far from me afraid they would catch it too—whatever “it” was. A line that has stuck with me all these years later came at lunchtime. A boy looked at me and said “put your face down, looking at you while I’m trying to eat is gonna make me barf”.
As I type the words, remembered emotions are doing their best to resurface.
Hand drawn pictures appeared on my desk left by I’m guessing whoever was giggling the loudest. The pictures were of “me”. Of how they saw me. A one eyed monster. A head with one huge eye and one small eye (because without makeup the eye without lashes looks slightly bigger–it’s an optical illusion but try explaining that to a bunch of dimwitted jerks). One giant eye that had wire lashes on the edges but nothing in the center. Oh, the list went on and on. It seemed that leaders of this gained followers by the days. I didn’t want to go to school. I didn’t want to be looked at. While there I’d hide my “bad” side. I’d try to spend the entire day with my head bent and my hand covering it. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to learn. How could I? I never once heard a teacher stopping them or their antics. No one did. No one ever spoke up for me and I couldn’t find my voice. I would just sit there, tears welling, head bent, believing each minute was stretching out to feel like hours and each hour felt like days. I saw no end in sight and hated myself. I hated my body for turning on me and making me such a “freak”. I hated that I wasn’t normal like them. That I wasn’t beautiful with big thick lashes and totally blemish free skin. I hated that I could so easily be turned into a joke–that clearly meant I was one, right? That could be the only answer. They must be right.
The kids acted like I was walking death and they were sure to catch it should they come in contact with me. I will never ever forget the sound of all their chairs moving in unison away from me. It is something that will forever be etched into my brain. My mother was, at a the time, a single mother working many jobs and raising two kids by herself. She had to bust her butt just be able to afford to get me to my doctor appoints at the Cleveland Clinic because her car wasn’t one that could the make the trip itself. I didn’t put this burden on her. I simply ducked my head and went to school.
Very few kids (I will say Jill’s name here because she was one who stepped up and wasn’t afraid to be my friend or have me over to her house, there were a small few as well but Jill by far stepped up to the plate the most and deserves a public thank you) were brave enough to buck the system and the pack to talk to me. To the few who did, I thank you. I also thank the one teacher who saw something in me and who made sure I learned to read, even though it was late in the game. To you teacher, you are the one who brought books into my life. You are who exposed me to a world of reading and escape. I was able to see the common theme in so much young adult literature–the misfit, the misunderstood, the underdog. That was me. Someone understood me. Someone was like me, if even just fictional. I was not alone. I had my fictional friends.
The more I read, the more I was able to lose myself in fiction. Slowly, a few more kids who weren’t influenced by the others came around. Not many, but enough that I no longer felt totally isolated. Seventh grade came and I was placed in a Catholic School. I foolishly walked through the doors believing “new school, new life, it will be different here, it will be better”. I had no way of knowing I was walking blindly into the gates of hell. I’m not going to go into detail about what happened there. Let’s just say pack mentality took hold. It wasn’t pretty and to avoid me finding rage I don’t want to still have, I’ll just let this be for now. I will say this, leaving St. Sucky left me a new outlook about the St. Sucky Bitch Brigade that traveled in a pack there.
I would rise above them. Like the characters in the books I loved so much I would blossom, I would create my own destiny.
Something profound changed in me. Almost instantly. When I returned to public schools I walked in the door with this strange knowing–kids can be a**holes. True fact. That the elite will always believe themselves untouchable and they will always try to prey upon the weak but guess what, I wasn’t weak anymore. I’d had enough. I would not stand for anymore. If someone wanted to open their ignorant mouth and spout off about me, my eye, my face, anything I wasn’t going to take it lying down. I was going to use the gift reading had given me–words and the ability to spin them. It didn’t take long for the behavior to start. The minute it did I verbally thrashed them. I tore into them with words that were so hurtful they were like corrosive poison that I’m sure to this day still ca
use them pain when thought upon too hard. Am I proud of what I’d turned into, someone with a sharp tongue that verbally lashed out, going for the lowest of weaknesses of others? No. I was what they’d made me. I was finally Monster Mandy.
(I don’t recommend this to anyone. I’m simply telling my story. The good, the bad and the ugly. It’s important you understand that there is no halo over my head. I am a real person with real flaws.)
I was what they’d spent so many years carefully crafting. It only took a few times for the ones who used to do it to realize I wasn’t going to take it anymore. Of course there were new kids as well, kids who didn’t know me from earlier years. They tried their hat at it as well. Why not? I looked like an easy target, right? Wrong.
I became bitter and angry and honestly, I didn’t like that about myself. I suffered from depression and had to start seeing a professional about it. I hid my insecurities, my anger and my rage behind humor, often self-deprecating. Somewhere along the lines others reached out to me. I made a circle of friends. Real friends. Not backstabbing McBitchys with agendas. I continued my “take no prisoners” approach to verbal lashings whenever someone would try to tear me down. It became second nature. So much that the insults and hurtful things spun my way were like water off a duck’s back. I’m not proud of the fact I got to this point emotionally or that I no doubt did cause the bullies distress as well. Okay, I’m actually disappointed in myself for stooping so low, not that I hurt their feelings. Honestly, they needed a reality check.
If you kick a dog long enough, it will bite back. 
Was I verbally harsher than need be with them? Probably. Should I apologize for it now? Probably. It would make me the bigger person. I’m kind of fine with not being the bigger person just yet. Did others suffer my wrath? No. Only the ones who attempted to start something with me. I never sought anyone out to be “mean” to. I never spotted the “weak” and went in for the social kill. That was NOT my style. If anything I found ways to befriend them. Friends finally came into the picture. I changed schools two more times (just because my parents decided to move, not school issues) and managed to have a network of friends at each. I did still struggle with depression and anger issues. Most of it I kept hidden from all of them. It wasn’t their business. Most didn’t know my past. I was fine with that. I made friends from all social levels. This is what makes me proud. I may not love the fact I have a quick tongue that will verbally cut someone to the quick as a defensive measure, but I am proud of my ability to be friends with just about anyone, misfit or no. But I’ll tell you I have a soft spot for misfits.
The anger has seeped away. I’m still no nonsense. I probably always will be.
I surround myself with people who are good and good for me. I don’t let the negative McBitchys have any power over me. More importantly I don’t let them fuel me with the same rage they once had. I could have easily turned into one of them. I’m so thankful I didn’t. I have friends that I do let under my armor now–Michelle Pillow needs a shout out here. I have a loving husband who has never once said “don’t look at me or I’m gonna barf”. He actually prefers it when I don’t wear makeup. Odd bird, that one. J I have three amazingly wonderful, smart, funny and quick witted boys. One is in college now, one is in junior high and the other in elementary school. I feel very blessed.
In addition, I have readers who stand alongside me, saying no to bullying, saying no to Queen B’s who think they can try to run schools or towns or whatever and readers who say YES to being somewhat of a misfit. Readers who accept me, flaws and tarnished halo and all.
I will also say that my youngest son is a victim of bullying. It’s not something I will go into detail about right now. Last year it became physical. Not a pretty thing by any means. I’m a Momma Bear now. A Momma Bear who had been a victim of bullying. If the bully, the bully’s parents, the school system or the district think for one second I won’t do everything to protect my son they’re fools. Plus, let’s be honest, my sword is my pen, I can wield mighty words and people listen.
I’ve come a long way from the little girl who wanted to hide her face and not be seen by the world. I didn’t end up in a bell tower hidden away. I am in the public’s eye. I am out there, being seen, meeting readers from all over the world. Also, for a girl who hated her face, I now have nearly weekly photo updates on different fun makeup looks that I share with my readers. See, there is hope.
Teens Against Bullying: Created by teens, for teens.(middle school and high school)
Kids Against Bullying: Site is interactive and set up to help kids understand if they are being bullied, if they are the bully they should stop, etc. Younger kids will appreciate this.
National Bullying Prevention Center: Founded in 2006 the site is full of useful information for getting kids involved in anti-bullying, helping kids who are being bullied and bringing awareness to the cause.
Stop Bullying.gov: Informative and has a “kids corner”.
Here is the list of other authors who are joining in posting about bullying today. I encourage you to visit their blogs, to read their posts and to comment, letting the world know that society is still full of good, decent, honest people who will not tolerate bullying. Special thank you to Yasmine Galenorn for helping launch this campaign, to Michelle M Pillow for all her behind the scenes help with it, to all the authors who are participating, to all the readers who are as well, to the countless number of people who have helped us spread the word and to those who took time out to hear out stories.
Thank you!
Mandy
*Each authors’ opinions on bullying are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of all participating.
I invite you all to share your story. If you were bullied, are being bullied, or know someone who is or has been please comment and let others know they are not alone. If you are a troll who happened upon this blog and want to try to gain 15 mins of fame in my comment section you should know I’ll block you and delete your comment. This is a bully FREE zone.
I’ll be tweting about Bullying throughout the day using the hashtag #AuthorsAgainstBullying. My twitter can be found here.
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Wow, you are a mighty wordsmith, Mandy. I’m sorry you went through all that. I hope the people who hurt you read this and realize what they’ve done and try to teach their kids better. Thank you for sharing and thank you for setting this blog hop up. And most of all, thank you for being YOU! You certainly make my life better
I to wish someone would have come to me and told me there was hope and that I was not alone.
Very well put!
Ashley´s last [type] ..Authors Against Bullying Blog Hop; Inside The Pain
Honestly? Don’t apologize. Ever.
I hope other people say the same.
You have NOTHING to apologize for. Defending yourself is not a crime. Teaching these people that words can hurt is not a crime. Don’t apologize.
You helped to shape these otherwise cruel people into adults, who function as part of society, and might just be aware there are consequences for what we say.
Don’t apologize. From all of us who were bullied, you really helped us out.
Ruthanne Reid´s last [type] ..How to Make Third-Person Perspective More Personal
There is never any reason good enough for bad manners, lack of respect, bullying or hate. I have always wondered if the lack of the first two leads to the last two. If you have been taught good manners then you won’t treat other people badly. If you have respect for other people you treat them accordingly.
I have your back Mandy. I hate people who bully. Iam pround to be a misfit and hang with others. I was bullied at times but I always stood up for my friends. Its funny how I would let someone bully me but not my friends.
Thank you for sharing your story, Mandy.
Your story is a powerful one, Mandy. I’m so sorry for what you, and now your son, have been through. People can be cruel, but they can be kind too. I’m glad you eventually found some of the good ones.
Bullying has to stop.
Taryn, thank you!
Ashley, me too! Thank you!
Ruthanne, thank you!!! I hear all the take the higher road comments and I’m not proud I let their bullying harden me. But, I accept I am what I am because of my life. And I still feel no need to say I’m sorry for the way I lashed back verbally at them.
Laurie, agree. Manners seem like something that continue to disappear from our society.
Jennifer, thank you!!! Misfits unite!
Iniriba,
NJ, thank you!
E.J. Stevens
Read my Authors Against Bullying post today at From the Shadows.
E.J. Stevens´s last [type] ..Authors Against Bullying Blog Hop
Thank you Mandy for sharing your story. I can’t get the image of those cruel drawings out of my head. I’m so glad that you found power in writing. Never stop.
E.J. Stevens´s last [type] ..Authors Against Bullying Blog Hop
Your story is powerful. I love that you tolerate no BS because it doesn’t get you anywhere but pushed around.
Ya know I adore you. *hugs*
Graylin
EJ, thank you. Yes, those have stuck with me for years. I’m guessing they will always be with me. A reminder of how dumb young kids can be.
Graylin, aww, thank you. And thanks for liking my no BS stance.
Thanks for sharing your story. So many kids (and adults) suffer in silence. Middle School/High school is such an awkward time for most people and I remember being on the outside as well. Luckily, I managed to find others in the same boat and we banded together and avoided most of the nastiness.
Mandy, you are an amazing women. I to was bullied, for different reasons than you but it’s all the same really. Some would say I brought it on by my actions, and it has taken me 20 yrs to realize that’s not true. I was “looking for love in all the wrong places” in my teen yrs and because of that I did things I’m not proud of, but I was young and didn’t know better. When I knew better I did better. I have been with my husband for almost 20 yrs now and have 3 beautiful children and a full life that I love. When I think back on my teens it’s with sympathy for that girl who didn’t feel loved. I’m so grateful I finally figured out that the love was inside of me the whole time.
Thank you for speaking out against bullying. Your an inspiration to me and I’m sure many others!
Bullying is a hit-home subject to me. Honestly I believe it is 95% reason behind my self-doubt and lack of self confidence – that I am still working through. It all started in seventh grade and followed up through high school.
New start at a new school with strangers. I stood out because my garments were hand-me-downs and not the latest “style”. By high school it steadily got worse. Luckily I found a friend my freshmen year that took me beneath her wing. She helped me with hair and make-up.
But still got teased which lead to cutting, skipping of meals, etc. She pointed it out to my parents (she had a rough life too with her mother and stayed often with me). But I still refer to those days as “Black Days” and really don’t like to remember them.
But because of that friend I never hit the low point of suicide. Sure I thought about it but she always seemed to know and slapped me whenever I slipped into that mindframe.
Why I am so quick to jump in when the boys mention someone picking on them. When my oldest came home once saying his aunt’s boyfriend’s son teased him for being slow, I told him not to worry about it. That it was calling the kettle black. Recently my middle boy had someone bullying him, he didn’t want to go to school because of it. The oldest son went to get a name so we could call to adress it with the principal. I was prepared to make a big stink because I well remember how cruel kids can be.
I was lucky in that I had a good friend from the beginning that didn’t allow the rest of the “in” crowd to pick on me. But Bullying now days is even more invasive with all the social media. My daughter had severe acne and the bullying on her happened all online through facebook. She was already insecure about her look/size (she is very petite) and what they did to her about her acne was horrible. Luckily we could have that taken care of and within a year it was gone but it did scar her and there is nothing worse for a parent to go through than seeing their child being hurt.
Hey I’m Kimberly Gill, I was bullied for kindergarten to the day I graduated from high school. I went to the teachers and principal’s but they did not do anything my parents even went up to the school still the principal and teachers did not do anything. I got blamed for stuff I did not even do they said it was my fault. I got called names I was cussed out and made fun of I only had 1 friend some of the people kids in my class said they were my friend but when I was not around or was not looking I know they were laughing at me. I know I don’t look like a model or even feel like one but that wasn’t right for them to do that to me. Everything school started i dreaded going back into that school because I knew what would happen and it did. I never want to step foot back into that school or near it because all that school is and is of is bullies I feel sorry for the kids that are being treated like me that are at that school but I know the teachers and principals will never do anything about they didn’t while I was there. I was always lonely I never fit in anywhere. I always carried books with me to school to read I read Paranormal Romance and Harlequin Romance books and that’s what I carried to school. They made fun of me for reading them and they claimed they were sex books. Yeah they have sex in them but there also a romance books. I hope that by telling what happened to me can help others. I hope that they know that they are better then the bullies and for them to not let them win because in the end they will get what they deserve.
Mandy- So sorry for what you went through. I went through it (as I posted about on my author’s blog) and my stepson and daughter both have had issues. My stepson is 13 & in 8th grade and he’s had verbal and physical issues with a few other boys since around 5th grade.
My daughter is 9 and in 4th grade. She heard me talking to my husband about wearing purple today in a statement of solidarity and so she changed the shirt she planned to wear today for that very reason, especially after yesterday when two girls told her they weren’t her friends because she was friends with these other two girls.
They asked her “Don’t you care that you’ll lose two friends by being friends with those other girls?” She told them no, that she she didn’t care, that if they couldn’t be nice to her other friends, they she didn’t need to be friends with them and that their behavior was a form of bullying. So proud of her.
Our school system claims to have a strict anti-bullying policy, but there are times I think they don’t do enough. If we don’t stand up and protect them, who will?
Taryn Raye´s last [type] ..Taryn Raye- What You Don’t See ~Authors Against Bullying~
Mandy, thank you for this project & sharing your story. I’m happy I made it just under the wire before the deadline. Writing about bullying brings up many memories. I made it my goal to read as many posts as possible, starting with yours now, I already know there’ll be many teary-eyed moments–for children in an impossible situation, for adults that have already proven that “it gets better”.
Barbara´s last [type] ..Authors Against Bullying
I’m so glad you and so many other authors are taking a stand and telling your story. It gives hope to so many other people having problems with bullies. While in school I had some problems with bullies though not as bad as other people and as a mum of three young children myself now I know I’d be right in there if anything happened to them. I had enough of it in school both personally and watching others that I’m not going to stand for it with my kids now. So thank you again, you and all the others are an inspiration.
Wow, Mandy. Thank you for sharing your story. And thank you so much for arranging the #AuthorsAgainstBullying day. Even if it only helps one person, or gives one parent some guidance on how to help their child, it’ll all be worth it.
Leah Braemel´s last [type] ..Authors Against Bullying: Never mind Sticks and Stones. Words CAN hurt you
My kids were taught not to do this, and to stand up for anyone who it was happening to. My older brother bullied me as a child. He would hurt me daily and would tell me if I told our parents it would be worse the next time. I am so against bullying!!!
You are a HUGE inspiration to me and have been since the day we met at NCP all sparkly and new to the publishing world. The more I’ve known you through the years, the more inspired I became. YOU ARE AMAZING, simply amazing.
Love ya!
Amazing how resilient some people are and others it only takes a few words. Wonderful thoughts.
Sandy S.´s last [type] ..THIRD GRAVE DEAD AHEAD by Darynda Jones-a review
Thank you so very much Mandy, as tears roll down my face for all those victims of bullying and my younger self and my daughter now. It is getting so bad and we do not need to lose any of our young people to this horrible thing anymore. Much love…
First there are not words for the awesomeness that you have put together with this.
I worried my oldest daughter would suffer with bullying due to her medical issues. She didn’t. So I was surprised when my middle daughter who started kindergarten this year was having issues. So far the teacher has been very helpful in eliminating the issue.
When my oldest daughter found out about the little boy picking on her sister, she and some of her friends decided to spend recess hanging out with the kindy kids to make sure nothing was going to happen anymore not only to her sister but the other girls in the class.
Your story strikes a very familiar chord with me. I know exactly what it’s like to be treated as if contagious, having been the victim of some pretty horrendous bullying as a child. My nickname was “Jenny Germs,” and getting Jenny Germs was supposedly a fatal disease. If you ever do another anti-bullying campaign, I’d love to participate. And for anyone who’d like to know my story, I posted about it a couple of years ago here: http://www.deadlinedames.com/a-rant-on-bullying/
The most important thing, in my opinion, is for adults to learn that it is not all right, it is not “normal,” that it isn’t “just kids being kids.” It is not the victim’s fault for being “too sensitive,” and it is not their responsibility to figure out how to make the bullies stop attacking them. If we as a society would stop tolerating bullying the way we do, there would be a lot fewer kids being bullied and made miserable.
Thanks for sharing your story, and for organizing this awesome day. I was thrilled to get the email. As thrilled as I was to hear that my daughter and her entire school is celebrating anti-bullying next week.
I’m sorry you had to go through it, but you’re awesome!! Thank you so much for organizing this important event. And thank you to everyone for sharing your stories and thoughts.
Michelle M. Pillow´s last [type] ..Authors Against Bullying
Hi Mandy,
Reading through your experiences brought unresolved emotions of my own to squeeze at my heart as I related to some of what you shared here. Thank you for being so open about your feelings and tragic time being bullied. I too suffered at the hands of classmates who found it funny to toss wet toilet paper at me and other things simply because I was an athlete who trained early in the morning and came late to school. I just could never make it into the cool crowd and spent much of those years learning to shield myself from their attacks.
Today is my daughter’s birthday and I found it so poignant that your post went up on Dear Author today. My precious little girl went through hell last year and it wasn’t at school, but her dance studio. What hit me the hardest was that I felt powerless to fix the situation but obligated to stick it out. We pulled her out of the studio as soon as we could but now we have learned the horrible details that these little girls did to my daughter and a few other girls. The stuff is just horrific, rivaling that of the most atrocious stunt from Mean Girls. What’s worse is that the studio owners turn a blind eye and at one point blamed the bullying on my daughter’s talent, saying that because she was the best dancer there those girls just had a hard time dealing with the jealousy. Which is utter BS but a trend that I think is prevalent.
I teach a course for teachers at the local university and one of the topics is bullying. My number one discussion topic is how to teach the teachers to spot bullying and intervene. Many of my students feel powerless to handle bullying (I did too as a parent). It is my greatest wish that someday all teachers and parents will be empowered with the tools they need to intervene before another tragedy happens.
Again, I so appreciate this author stand against bullying. I’d love to be a part of the author community against bullying.
Thank you for sharing your story and for setting all this up. You are an amazing woman. I hadn’t realized my own bullied scars were still so painful until I started reading all these posts. All the more reason to stop this destructive practice and spare the next generation.
AH, you’re right so many do suffer in silence.
Deanne, you’re welcome! And congrats on 20 yrs of marriage and on 3 kids!
Raonaid, thank you for sharing your story!!!!
Renee, I’m sorry your daughter had to go through that. FB can be hell when in the wrong hands.
Kimberly, thank you for sharing what happened to you. (((hugs))) I too carried books. They were my shield.
Taryn, I’m sorry your children have had problems with being bullied. How awesome that your daughter changed her shirt to show support today. Yay!
Barbara, thank you!
Hi there! Thank you for putting voice to one of the items that no one ever wants to talk about. How are we suppose to help when most people brush it off? It is awesome that you are bringing bullying to the light, it’s horrible and it’s every where! So how can we as a whole stop, okay maybe lessen because there will always be mean people, the effects of bullying?
I wanted to comment on how myself and my community are helping my son and others in our district to be “Bucket Fillers” A local woman published a series of children/YA books to teach them that their actions/words effect others, whether good or bad. It shows them how to recognize “Bucket Dippers” (bullies) and actions they can take to help them deal with “Bucket Dippers” This concept has helped my son so far, he’s only 6, and already has had issued with bullies. It was even enlightening to me when one day he came up to me and told me I was being a “bucket dipper” because I hurt his feelings. It opened my eyes that I didn’t have to just worry about the other children being bullies, but myself as well. So instead of yelling when I get mad now, we talk about it and compromise. If any other parents are interested you can find these lovely books at http://www.bucketfillers101.com
I know I must sound like a traveling salesman, but I really do believe in these books, or maybe even similar ones to teach our children not to be bullies and/or how to cope if they are being bullied.
I think educating children about bullying is the first step to stop bullying.
And like I posted at Jeaniene’s blog…thank you for giving voice to so many in sharing your story!
You were one tough little crusader when you came into your own and you still are.
Hugs! ~We can make a change.~
Lindsey, You’re welcome and thank you for showing your support.
Leah- YW
and I agree. If we only help one it was totally worth it.
Tammi- Thank you for teaching your kids its not okay to bully and to stand up for those who can’t.
Jaycee–((((hugs))) thank you. I know just how much bullying you’ve suffered, even as an adult–what you haven’t posted to the world about–and YOU ARE the inspiration here.
Thank you, Mandy, for sharing your story. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the need for harsh words was confined to our stories?
Sandy- Thank you!
Chris- Than you and I agree we’ve lost too many already.
Kris- Thank you! How sweet that your older daughter took the step to watch over her younger sister on the playground. And I hope the teach continues to work with you to prevent anymore bullying.
Thank you for sharing and giving voice to all of those who have been relentlessly bullied. I was the trifecta of victims. I was too smart, too odd, and too fat. I too learned to fight back with words, though from time to time I was actually forced to fight back physically. Being bullied sucks and not standing up for yourself, however you must do it, can kill you…if not in body, then in spirit.
Congratulations for surviving your own personal hell; and again, thank you for speaking out so that those being bullied now can hear the truth…it really DOES get better.
Thank you everyone for all your support and for sharing your stories! I will be back on in the morning to respond to each one. Thanks again
Growing up, I was bullied…but back then it wasn’t called bullying, it was just ‘kids being kids’. I was the fat girl, the tall girl, the egghead, and eventually, since I wasn’t dating any of the boys at my high school, it varied between ‘the lezzie’ or the tramp, sleeping with everyone. Through it all, I had a core group of good friends, male and female, who knew who I really was, and kept me from believing in all the crap piled on me. I had the last laugh when I graduated ahead of my class, with great grades, dropped the weight, and spent a summer modeling locally. I have joinedd the group Stand Together and have convinced all four of my school age grandsons to Stand with me.
Mandy thank you for sharing your story. It really reminded me of my childhood growing up and moving to a new school every year and the issues over always being the new kid that never made friends because I was so shy and had learning issues. Hated to read in class because everyone would make jokes about the fact I couldn’t read the words or speak correctly. Got to the point I didn’t talk and hated to write anything because I couldn’t spell very well. Still have issues with writing today but at least my supervisor is willing to work with me and helps get my thoughts out of my head. I still remember in 6 grade having to write a story and the teacher saying that my writing was ready poor and I should never plan to be a writer. It was my junior year in school when one of the girls I met that year introduced me to historical romance novels that I was able to read my first book. Very much like you I found my outlet through reading, still can’t get my words on paper but I try. This most likely the longest post I have written and can say it taken a while as I have to find would I can spell to get my point across. I think today the hard thing is that I watch my kids get bullied at school and hate that the schools still don’t do anything. But have to say one thing I am not shy about it the schools know if I show up all hell it going to break loss as I will not tolerate my kids being emotional terrorized by bullies. Made it through my oldest with no issues; my second son was bullies until the day he got tried of it and fought back like you they realized that he wasn’t a target (years later the kids still talk about him and he graduated 2 years go and this happened in middle school). Today I am dealing with my daughter and it so much harder with her as she keeps it in and I don’t know how bad it is. She hates school now and just can’t wait until she can graduate and move away. She wants to graduate from the same school as her brothers, just hope we can make it. She in counseling now as she was recently diagnosed with RND (which is where she is in pain most of the day) this is amplified by stress and depression. As you know kids are not nice to other kids that have limitations and she was unable to do a lot of physical activity to include walking up stairs or even sitting for to long. She doesn’t want to report the harassment as she feels it will just get worse. I wish schools would take the bulling issue more serially and make the bullies pay for what they are doing and the parents of bullies should also be held accountable. I want to say thank you for taking this stand and hope that one day we can stop the bulling or that we can help the victims become survivors just as we did. I hate hearing about a victim that committed suicide because they don’t have a chance to grow into the strong adult that could offer the world so much. I still look and where I came from and stay I have proven everyone that ever said I couldn’t do it guess what I did it and I am well respected in my job field. Thank you to all people that have taken stand against bullying from the victims that stood up and say no more, the parents that were there to help their kids through the bullying, the teachers and school administrator that see this as a major issue and are doing everything they can to help put a stop to it in their school and to everyone else that is out there helping. We need to keep up the fight until the end. Mandy thank you for letting me share my story.
Thanks so much for putting this together, Mandy. And for sharing your experience, too.
<3,
-J
Mandy, you ROCK! Kids are cruel, adults are cruel, people are cruel. I think a lot of it is the adage misery loves company and most who bully are not only insecure but miserable. We need to stand strong against bullying without being the ones who bully. Love one another, it takes all of us individuals to make a difference.
Jenna Black– Thank you for sharing your story. Everyone please note Author Jenna Black posted a link to her story in the comment section above.
“It is not the victim’s fault for being “too sensitive,” and it is not their responsibility to figure out how to make the bullies stop attacking them. If we as a society would stop tolerating bullying the way we do, there would be a lot fewer kids being bullied and made miserable.”
SO VERY TRUE!
Nikki Duncan–thank you for being part of this blog event! And yay on your daughter’s school having an anti-bullying week next week. Teaching them early is so key.
Michelle Pillow–thank you for being part of it. And thanks for the behind the scenes help you gave to help get it all together as well.
Christa–I’m sorry that you had to go through that as a child. I’m sorry your daughter suffered at the hands of others in her dance studio. I hope the studio’s reputation for allowing such behavior comes back to haunt them.
Thank you so much for helping give teachers tools on how to better deal with this problem.
Shawna–thank you for being part of this blog event and for sharing your story.
bdrapinski- Thank you for sharing about Bucket Fillers.
Lucy Monroe–thank you so much for being part of this blog event and for sharing your story.
Jessa Slade–Thank you for being part of this blog event.:)
Kiera–Thank you and I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
Nancy-Very inspiring! Thank you!
Krystyna- Thank you for sharing and for going against the what they tried to tell you and coming on her and sharing your story. It was brave and honestly, it showed them! You do have it in you.
I’m so very sorry your children have had to deal with bullying. Actually, I’m very familiar with RND. (A close family member has it and I know the pain she suffers with it and the spiral of other medical conditions it can cause.) My heart goes out to your daughter. Not only does she live in physical pain everyday she had to endure emotional pain from bullying as well.
And thank you again for sharing your story.
Jess Haines- thank you for being part of the blog event!
Pennie– Thank you!
Thanks for starting and posting about bullying. I had minor problems with bullying in grade school, all that changed in grade 7, when I started standing up for myself. I was the one who stood up for the ones being bullied. Now I have to deal with my son being bullied in school. I am part of Boys and Girls Anti-Bullying campaign every year, selling and wearing the t-shirts. The problems is that the ones that would have the authority in school do not recognize it as a problem. Also the bullies and their parents do not recognize it as a problem. My son was kicked in the head from behind last year in the school yard, by an older kid. A teacher saw it, pulled the kid in to the office. My son told me and I went in to talk to them. Nobody knew anything!!! And up until the end of the year, the principal told me that they are investigating. Have not heard anything since. Last Friday I found out that at the Boys and Girls Club where my son is in after-school program, there is an older boy who has been hitting my son. I was told that his parents were called in and have been told. Why wasn’t I told? If my son doesn’t complain of a head ache, I wouldn’t have known! He was hit in the back of the head with a hockey puck. And that’s that, they cannot do anything more. I asked them, was the boy and his parents informed that a wrong hit in the wrong spot could change my son’s life forever? Will they be there when I will have to struggle with him? I got uhms and ahms. I will not let it go, that’s for sure. I do not hit my son, I will not allow anybody else to do it either. Especially a boy who wasn’t taught better. Education starts at home and it is sad to say that many of the parents are the ones who are bullies themselves or do not care enough to do something about it. One mother told me that my son is too sensitive, when I told her about the issues are between her son and mine. I was like… are you serious? Because he can’t take name calling and continuous badgering which continued after repeatedly being told to stop, my son is too sensitive? Really! And to think they are only 9 years old, what’s going to happen later?
Sorry about the rant, but this issue is a sore spot for me.
Enikö–I’m so sorry your son is going through this and the school isn’t helping. The following site has some tips for what to do if your school isn’t responding. http://www.stopbullying.gov/get-help-now/index.html
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I’m in South Africa and don’t really follow a lot of news (I think it’s one of the major problems in society), so this is the first time I heard about Amanda. Shame, I feel so sorry for her and can’t believe some of the comments on the net about her. She is a human being just like the rest of us, who just made a mistake.
I don’t want to talk about blame, because that is not my intention. I wrote a book about parenting, and yes sometimes it can come across as if I’m blaming, but read carefully. Where were the parents when she first started video chatting with strangers across the internet. That to me is getting closer to the root of the problem, and where we should be focusing our attention. To me, this situation spells a bit of a lack of guidance and a lack of the correct information about love and sex. Even the fact that Amanda was willing to sleep with her “old guy friend” says that she didn’t fully understand love and sex.
My question to everyone here is, have you sat down with your children and communicated (notice I said communicated, not talk, because communication is a two way street, you have to talk as well as LISTEN) with them about sex?
This is a multidimensional problem though.
Why are we so obsessed with celebrity? Why do we vilify and cast away those who feel lonely (that’s my story)? Why do we have such a lack of empathy in society? Why do so many people not understand the concept of the mind, in our evermore sophisticated society? why do we not answer the calls for help from lonely people (think of Amanda and the guy from the Dark Knight massacre)? Why are there so many lonely people while our populations soar? I could list 100 more things that we need to tackle which are the root cases for these problems, which we don’t seem to be doing.
Let’s stop tackling the surface, and dig deeper. Mandy said I should leave a link. I don’t have a story about bullying specifically, so here’s a link to a talk I do on The Dangers of Substance Abuse. I want to get to the root of these problems, because they all have a similar root. Every interview (with alcoholics, drug addicts, and others), and all the research I did for my book points to similar causes.
http://daniel-alexander-book.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-dangers-of-substance-abuse-part-1.html
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