Signs You’re Under Major Deadlines:

1. The local pizza place has your order ready BEFORE you call to place it.
2. Your children have forgotten what its like seeing you in the kitchen. When you wander into it for coffee, they assume you’re lost.
3. Your husband/sig other has given up hope they’re “getting any”.
4. Everyone whispers near you as if they’re afraid loud noises may set you off.
5. You find yourself staring at the wall, thinking another shade of color could really help you focus better. So could new vitamins. Or maybe a vegan diet. Or maybe pictures of hot nekkie dudes. You glance back at the screen and realize your efforts to focus better have just lost you 45 mins of work time.
6. You go to bed at midnight, wake up at one a.m. and rush back into your office because you realize you might have just wrote yourself into a corner or used that side character name before. By four a.m. you realize you’re a dumbass and start back for bed only to then think of some amazing plot twist you should add. At 5:30 a.m. you shut your eyes for a min and when you open then its 6 a.m, the kids want breakfast, the dog needs taken out and you realize your epiphany of a plot twist was the dumbest thing every… DELETE.
7. Coffee, tea and toilet paper can’t seem to stay stocked enough during this period.
8. You reach for something and realize that smell you’ve been smelling is YOU.
9. You shower and wonder, when was the last time I did this.
10. With soap in your eyes you have another epiphany and THIS time is surely going to be the twist that makes the entire book. You finish rinsing soap from eyes, get out of shower, hurry to dress and try (but fail) to get a comb through your hair, run to office… forget the f-ing twist you thought of five mins ago.
11. Your BFF calls to check in on progress and you announce proudly that you’re on chapter 6. She then says… um, yesterday you were on chapter 10. You then have to admit that none of what you wrote worked. DELETE.
12. Your BFF then says “You deleted 20k words? ARE YOU MENTAL?” At this point you are left no choice but to say yes because the voices that you hear when you write are still talking (okay all shouting at once… from other stories/series threads even) and you aren’t currently writing.
13. You sit at your computer and think of a numbered list to avoid writing.